Power.

Authorities.

The right to command.

But people do not see to achieve those things, the position means something more than that.

Loyalty.

Full commitment.
Trust.

It is in my deepest regret to feel that when I'm being selected to hold a position, whether it's for formal purposes or for fun, like group project or a community, I failed to do my job. The worse part it, it is because I did not do my job, it's because I could not do my job.

I am young, I admit, and by young I don't mean my age. I'm lacking of experience to lead people who may have more and ample amount of knowledge about particular matters than I do. I feel inferior to tell people based on my what I understand because in the group or community, I feel I'm just a newcomer.

Should I feel that way?

I struggle to reconcile the fact that if I were amateur, then why am I being selected to hold that position? I reconsider back how I got my position and it was not fair, I understand.

I was chosen without any voting session.
I was simply chosen due to the fact I being 'proactive and show charismatic personality' of sort.

Is that enough to become a leader?

To be honest, I don't like having myself question my credibility. I have pride and this sort of situation ache my pride. When it does, all I think is to just give up the position. But then I started thinking.

If I give this up, what will happen to the community?
Will it last?

In fact, what exactly IS the community about? What is its plan for short and long terms? Is this for real, or for fun? How far am I allowed to bring this community?

Call me a stern chick, but that's just me. I'm pretty sure majority of us think a community is a huge circle of people that should be all about freedom to do anything. But in my point of view it's not.

Community is simply a circle of people that are defenseless and weak, unless they stay together. We are to watch each other's back, to guide and to support one another. Community teaches us how to work with people, and how to step out of the box to become a better and noticeable figure in the community.

Isn't that what it is about?

I wonder. Could it be my fault? Maybe I should not take this position, should I? Maybe if someone else is in charge of it, then it will expand faster, would it? Again, I feel stings inside.

Position is not simply a title. It's a trust that an individual must uphold to contribute something to the organization or the group or the community. But the question is how?

How can the individual make his or her contribution if nobody seems wanting to lend a hand to his or her effort?

Sometimes I feel offended by normal excuses like everyone is busy with school and work, or everyone is too far away to do something for the community.

I too am busy. I'm running out of air trying to reach the goal for my parents and my future. I study and struggle, crying and sweating all day and night, working and swallowing negativity and do you actually I am NOT as busy as everyone?

Even though I'm only thirty minutes from Kuala Lumpur, I brace myself with the traffic just to reach the meeting spot we have promised. I don't mind taking a day off from work just to be able to make it to the meeting day where the only day majority of the committee members could come. I have e-mail and skype and whatsapp and all other methods to communicate the technologies could provide and do you actually think that is a good excuse to say you CANNOT contribute anything at all?

Why this community even exist? If everyone is simply wants to act like it's not much of a thing but simply a branch of the general community, then why establish it? If it is just a port for everyone to chill and hang out, then how can it is possible to achieve when there's no communication or planning or anything going on?

I talk as if I know things. Who am I anyway, right? You know, even a prime minister is a nobody, a stranger, but people don't care who he is, instead they care what he does for his people. I don't compare myself with a prime minister, but all positions in my view is as crucial as the prime minister's position.

If I failed to lead a small group of people, then I can't imagine of leading, perhaps, my own department when I work. I want to become to make a change to the world, so I should learn how to do it now in a small portion of society.

What will I ever do, I wonder?